I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
