I think I won the penis lottery.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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