Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
