Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
