I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
