I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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