This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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