When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
