Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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