what day is it and did you see me today?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
