before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
this is an emotional support booty call
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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