Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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