Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When are your genitals available?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
