i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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