I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
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