When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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