I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
its liver damage thursday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
