In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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