my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
