I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
