i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
