we were pretty classy up until the second keg
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pants are for mortals
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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