I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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