quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
