did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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