i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
