Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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