1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
