she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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