Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
