He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
