I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i believe in u and ur pee
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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