he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
