9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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