Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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