Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
