I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Randomize