Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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