The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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