I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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