i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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