dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
