Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
