I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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