why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
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he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just want to make out with him forever
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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