first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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