Already got asked if we're dating
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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