Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
