I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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