She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
