Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
