I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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