apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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