Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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