My friends, they love my intelligence
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
