i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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