apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
