Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
