I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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