so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
