so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
