WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
