i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
