I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
