Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
