I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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