Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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