honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
