Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just pee around me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
