How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
