i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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