Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
No subtext here. People are naked.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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