So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Use "feeling words"
Yay
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
